List – Monday January 11th

10 Reasons Why it Might Be A Good Idea To Harvest The Organs of Your Friends and Family:

 

1. You can never have too many feet of large intestine.

 

2. Science has recently published some studies about how the appendix might be useful after all.

 

3. If I need a heart transplant, I’d rather have human than pig or monkey. I like pigs and monkeys but I think it would just feel so weird.

 

4. Insert obvious liver joke

 

5. I heard that you can puncture a lung by cracking your back. So I’d like to have a few extras on hand just in case.

 

6. A couple more femurs would make my legs look longer.

 

7. I do not want to wear reading glasses; I’d rather rotate my eyeballs out for a newer pair.

 

8. If I had one more brain I could fill in the math and science the one I currently use lacks.

 

9. I go to the bathroom a lot and another kidney would make me feel less paranoid about the ones I have breaking down.

 

10. I read an article about how gut bacteria may have everything to do with whether or not your fat. I’d like to test that theory with some new guts.