10 Reasons I’m Glad I Don’t Have to Eat Live Food, Like Wild Animals Do:
1. I’m a reluctant carnivore.
2. I’m a slow runner and even if guns are allowed I dislike loud noises.
3. I faint immediately at the sight of blood.
4. I’ve been known to gag viciously at the site of gristle on a steak.
5. Duck is the gamiest thing I’ve ever eaten. And it was at a country club. And I thought it was gross.
6. I find sushi gruesome.
7. Once I killed a spider in my bathroom and demanded my roommate wake up to attend the subsequent funeral. He now sleeps with his door locked.
8. What if I did succeed in running down a deer or a cow and then it turned around and kicked me with it’s hooves? Then I’ve hobbling around with a hoof kick to the gut? I’m sure I wouldn’t get workers comp for that.
9. I’m a picky eater. What if I murder a chicken and decide I’m more in the mood for grouse? Think of the potential carnage!
10. Eating live food would cut into my TV watching time.