10 Things That Make Me Anxious While Dining At A Restaurant
1. Being seated near the bathroom, kitchen, bus station or front door.
2. Being perceived as high maintenance when I refuse to sit near the bathroom, kitchen, bus station or front door.
3. Not being sure if I’ve clearly conveyed to my server that I’m cool, because I used to be a server too.
4. Anticipating the water up-sell: “Would you like sparkling water, still, or tap” (read: tap is for turds)
5. Sending the server away because I’m not ready to order then fretting and fretting that they won’t come back.
6. Wondering if the server likes me, thinks I’m funny, and is impressed by my knowledge of vernacular like “86’ed” and “four-top”.
7. Watching a bar-tender handle cash then garnish my drinks without washing his hands. Wondering if the bar-tender has ever been to a strip club or watched “Locked Up Abroad”. If he did he’d know that cash and food should not touch each other.
8. Calculating how dim the lights are on the Low Lights = Unclean Dining Area scale. Calculating how much it really matters to me if I’m waiting for Truffle Fries or Lobster Mac and Cheese. Realizing it doesn’t matter to me as much as I know it should.
9. Getting up to go to the bathroom, not paying attention and smashing into a server who’s carrying two bowls of Linguini Vongole. He goes down, the pasta’s everywhere, then the busboy rushes over to try and help and he slips, tries to grab a table to steady himself and crashes to the ground pulling the entire contents of the table behind him. The server and the busboy are on the ground, moaning and clutching their backs, there’s food and broken dishes covering the floor. Everyone in the restaurant is looking at me. I still desperately have to go to the bathroom.
10. Telling a joke loudly to be heard over the din of a busy dining room then dropping the punch-line-essential F-word just as the room quiets down inexplicably for a moment.
I wonder about #6. I “86 the swiss, add provolone” at my fave deli and wonder if they think I’m a nut for telling them that.
Happy ICLW! 🙂 I have to say I agree with 4 and 10–especially because my voice carries and why’s that water tasting weird?–but 7 isn’t that big of a deal to me at all. My immune system needs to workout from the “spices” on the bartender’s hands. 🙂
Here by ICLW and I must say #1-4 fit me to a tee as well! Great post!
#9 sounds like a scene from made of honor. andi wouldnt want to sit near the bathroom either
Ack! I now have 8.5 more things to be anxious about next time I go to a restaurant. Thanks ever so much!
Ugh I hate being by the bathroom or screaming children who are kicking the booth.
Stopping by for an ICLW visit…
No. 2: the unfair struggle (mfi, speedskating, nanowrimo)
This is too funny. True, but funny. I stress about what the server thinks of my not-fit-for-restaurants 2 year old. Or my hubs who takes too long to decide what he wants. lol
Hilarious and so so true!
Nice to know I’m not alone in my restaurant anxiety 🙂
I know I am not the only one that might take issue with #1. As someone with a medically recognized small bladder, I am nervous about being seated to far from the bathroom!
I’m ashamed to admit it, but my admittedly juvenile reaction to #9 is “… and then add insult to injury by going right there.”
I am a habitual offender of #5! It’s so bad, that if I know I’ll be eating at a new restaurant ahead of time, and their menu is online, I will check it out in advance, and try to pick out what I’m going to order. Especially if I know I’ll be there with a large group of people, that I won’t want to hold up. Does this make me weird?