Dear Poor Lucky Me,
I read about a girl who taught her dog to lift his leg when he pooped, so she didn’t have to pick it up. It’s an appealing concept on a not-having-to-handle-hot-poop level, but outrageous on a societal level. What do you think?
With Love,
Dismounting From My High Horse
Dear Dismounting,
No, no no no no no. Please no. Please. You really must view picking up your dog’s poop as part of your bonding process. When all the snow melted in Chicago a couple of weeks ago (don’t worry, now we have new snow) and I got a glimpse of all the sidewalk bombs that people thought they weren’t responsible for because the snow was hiding them, I had a complete nervous breakdown. In fact there is still a policeman stationed inside the 7-11 near my house, because I stripped down to my undies and bust in there sobbing and babbling about soggy poos. I was just trying to buy some baggies but I guess the owner got all freaked out and called the cops.
You don’t know rock bottom until you’re sitting in jail in old underpants and your mother won’t come get you because she assumes the phone calls are a joke. Luckily the personal banker at Chase was still desperate to get me to open a savings account, so he came and got me. Thank god for these tough economic times, and I don’t even believe in god.
Be cool, pick up your dog’s poo.
Sincerely,
Poor Lucky Me
