An Open Letter To Poor Lucky Me From Brad Pitt
Dear Poor Lucky Me,
I was so flattered to get your communiqué, and felt like getting a letter from you marked the zenith in my career. I also must apologize for my lawyer’s comportment. He is very protective of me and lacks the ability to recognize a charming and sapient fan trying to reach out to me. I have since reprimanded him and invite you to consider yourself my friend and adviser.
I’m thrilled that you liked my habiliments in Troy. I had to laugh when I read your letter because I too have a short attention span. We really have so much in common. I didn’t even watch the whole film, and I have most of my works playing in a continuous loop in various rooms of my homes! However, I had a lot to do with the outfit choosing. People think that actors are just winsome people who stand around and say things that other people write. Well, that’s true to some extent, but we also weigh in on crucial issues like wardrobe, and what kinds of food we want stocked in our trailers.
So much writing has made me weary, but I don’t want to end this letter without saying a few more things about myself. I find it of utmost importance to convey to people how important, trenchant, sensitive, mighty, and well-endowed I am. The tabloids portray me as some pretty-boy baby maker, being bossed around by my mentally unstable wife. They never mention our long games of monopoly, our hours of looking at photos of ourselves, and the essays we write to each other about our pivotal role in culture and society. We are truly heros.
Anyway, I just wanted to say thank you for reaching out. Let’s be in constant touch, ok? I’m so lucky to have you in my life.
With Great Affection and Sexiness,
Brad Pitt
