Dear Poor Lucky Me,
I just turned 40 this year, and I’ve really started to feel like I’ve grown up. It’s like I’m coming into my own skin, you know what I mean? I thought it would freak me out a lot more than it has, which is a great relief.
The problem is I want people who are younger than me or who don’t know me to address me as Mr ________. Why does everyone call me by my first name? Can’t they say Mr_______ and let me say “Oh Please call me (my first name)”. I never would have thought that this would bother me, but maybe it’s because I always assumed that a bit of formality would be a given. I still call my parents’ friends Mr and Mrs. because it’s polite and no skin off my back.
Am I just a tight ass? I don’t think I am in any other area of my life!
Signed,
Mr ___________
Dear Mr_________,
I don’t think that you wanting to be addressed respectfully means you are a tight ass. These things can be mutually exclusive. It’s like how I’m a fastidious hand washer but am casual about laundering my clothes. And apartment. And the rest of my body. And my car, which is filled with Taco Bell wrappers and old newspapers. Because I sleep in there sometimes.
It’s a shame that almost all etiquette and formality is gone from regular society. I can’t tell you how often I see discarded chicken bones on the sidewalk in my neighborhood. Think about it: people are eating pieces of chicken as they walk, then throwing the bones on the street. At first I thought these must be budding psychopaths or the criminally insane, but then I realized they’re just people who think that’s acceptable behavior. Actually, that’s a more frightening prospect then the idea of a few criminally insane chicken wing lovers touring Navy Pier. If it’s normal to eat food and throw the remains on the ground, it’s probably going to be tough to get people to call you Mr anything, unless it’s an insult. Like Mr Cock Face, for example.
I wish I had a definitive way for you for right this wrong. Unfortunately, I think the best you can do is introduce yourself using your last name, and correct people who call you by your first name when you meet. Unfortunately, this method will make you look like a tight ass, but who cares? When did it become a requirement that we’re all cool and laid back? Let’s leave being laid back to hippies and homeless people, and take a little pride in being a bit high maintenance. Maybe manners will come back in style and my dog’s side walk chicken bone diet will be reduced slightly. She’s getting very fat.
Sincerely,
Poor Lucky Me
