Secrets of Being Nice
Dear Poor Lucky Me,
Is pretending to be nice as good as really being nice? I mean, if I’m nice when words come out of my mouth, does it matter what’s churning up in my brain?
I’m both proud and worried about my accomplishments in this area.
Yours,
Ex-Catholic
Dear Ex-Catholic,
It sounds like you’re new to the nice game, welcome! I think you’ll find being nice is one of the most rewarding and beneficial habits you can take on. You can say goodbye to heated confrontations at work, or in parking lots, or in line at the supermarket. Your niceness will make you realize how much energy you wasted on being a tool.
It’s such a drag to be mean. Look at hippies- you think they’re nice to make the world a better place? No, they’re nice because it’s easier to function, and more conducive to napping. Even when people are dicks to you, it’s easier and more satisfying just to be nice back.
You’re not just pretending to be nice because you occasionally think mean things. Every person suffers from an internal struggle between their brain and their heart. It’s why some weird religio-types are so terrified of homosexuality. They’re afraid that they might be interested in checking the scene out someday, so they have to be vigilant in their hatred. They think that shaking a gay dude’s hand might turn into a passionate make out session, because they thought about it once while waiting for the bus.
Normal people understand that sometimes your brain wonders about things that you know you aren’t going to act on. Most religions try and convince you that what you THINK will translate to how you act, and that’s just not true. I think a lot about dropping out of society, but I know the lack of flushing toilets and my love of the show Millionaire Matchmaker will always overcome my fantasies of living in a hut in Montana.
Don’t worry too much, just keep acting nice. Your brain will get on board.
Sincerely,
Poor Lucky Me
