Dear Poor Lucky Me,
I’ve been having a hard time sleeping at night. When I do finally fall asleep, I have weird dreams. I must move around in my sleep a lot too, because when I wake up the sheets are all tangled around me.
I recently saw a video of a dog having a vivid dream. He moves all around too, then runs right into a wall! This poor dog has been exploited by the press, and humiliated by his owner.
How can I be sure I won’t be the next?
Here is the referenced video: Canine Nightmere
Dear Am I Next,
Well the good news is I heard that dog has filed a lawsuit against his owner, Yahoo!, and Youtube.com. Hopefully they’ll settle and he can retire somewhere with huge rooms and an owner who doesn’t have crap against the wall and doesn’t videotape his night terrors.
See this exact scenario is why I never get out of bed in the middle of the night, even when I have that dream where I’m at Lollapalooza and I really have to go to the bathroom so badly and I decide to just scoot behind the stage while Weezer’s playing and relax…you know the one. It’s not worth the risk of doing something hilarious that could be exploited.
I recommend that you get a mummy sleeping bag and zip yourself in there every night. You can also buy a “bug sweeper” at your local spy store. That way you can sleep a little easier knowing you’ve taken every precaution against some one secretly video taping you. I got one of those when I had a brief stint as a baby sitter. Psh yuppies think they can keep me from eating their medication and sleeping in their pajamas, fools!
Sincerely,
Poor Lucky Me
