Dear Poor Lucky Me,
I used to be quite fat. After watching two seasons of The Biggest Loser, I got inspired and lost 60 pounds. I’m very happy and healthy now, except for one thing. People keep making really rude comments. For instance: “Wow, you are really thin now. You used to be so fat” or “Gosh you won’t be scaring children and busting chairs now, huh” or “I bet it’s a relief now knowing you could get laid. When you were a fatty you were hopeless!”
Maybe people can’t hear themselves? It’s scary to think that people don’t know these are hurtful things to say. Sometimes I want to say “You’re still ugly!”
Signed,
Svelte
Dear Svelte,
I’m sorry that your accomplishment is marred by a few encounters with thoughtless idiots. Although, I bet if you tallied up the nice things people say versus the stupid thing people say you’d notice you get more nice comments. Hurtful comments just seem to stick in our brain better.
When people make backhanded compliments, I recommend implying that you lost weight because of a medical condition. Say things like “Well the meds really kill my appetite” or “Blech all that hospital food!” or “All those infected intestines weighed a lot” or “The removal of a 50 pund cycst will take you down a few sizes!”. But don’t be tempted to make up answers if they ask follow up questions. Just smile politely and say nothing until they walk away.
There aren’t a lot of instances where you can actually teach people a lesson, so you should take advantage of this one. You might be able to make this world a little better. I learned my lesson after fawning over a woman I thought was pregnant. I kept touching her belly and saying “I bet that’s going to be a big boy!” She was not pregnant. Now I wouldn’t ask some one if they were pregnant unless I was in the delivery room, watching the head crown.
Above all, be proud of yourself.
Sincerely,
Poor Lucky Me
