Dear Poor Lucky Me,
I recently was watching my nightly fill of E! and Access Hollywood, etc. Some actor, I think it was Nicholas Cage or Hugh Jackman or something, was featured. The brilliant investigative reporter was saying how this actor had to go on a special diet where he eats lots and lots because he had to gain like 30lbs for his next role as a fat person.
I’m writing for your advice on this subject. I always wanted to be a Hollywood Celebrity, and now I think I see my opening. I happen to already be about 30lbs overweight, (according to my mom, anyway), and I’d be happy to stay on a special diet of donuts and ice cream (what I eat most days anyway) in order to star in a movie. I guess the only thing missing is where do I go (besides Hollywood, of course!) and who do I call??
Signed in drool,
Headed to Krispy Kreme to Celebrate my New Career
Dear Krispy Kreme,
Traditionally good looking people are so boring with their hot bodies and clean hair. Anyone can do that. Not just anyone, however, can really reach for the stars by becoming a fat slob. I also think that the American standard of beauty is bound to change as obesity and teen pregnancy continue to become the norm. I’m also seeing a lot of nasty tattoos on internet porn, so look into that. Porn is a good trend indicator.
Unfortunately, I don’t know a ton about how to go about becoming a Hollywood star. It doesn’t appear that reality TV offers much of a chance to become anything but a drunken ho. Some people I spoke to while doing my research said you should go to Hollywood and “sleep your way to the top” but I’m not sure that will work considering your physical aspirations.
Why don’t you start by going on local auditions? Also take an acting class, that’ll give you access to contacts and like-minded people. Whenever you decide you really want to go after something- you have to broadcast your wishes to everyone you come in contact with. That goes for dieting, sobriety, and career goals.
Sincerely,
Poor Lucky Me
