Dear Poor Lucky Me,
I was recently at bar for my good friend’s birthday party, and one of her friends who I had taken out on a date about 6 months ago was also in attendance. We had a great time on our date, so I thought, but for some reason we didn’t go on another. I hadn’t seen her since we went out, and I was trying to strike up some small talk with her about a play I had just seen (she works for the company who produced it) when she abruptly stops our conversation. She puts her hand on my shoulder and says “Look at the person on your left.” I look, it’s my roommate. She continues “that’s who you’re going home with tonight.” I playfully suggest that he’s probably going home with his girlfriend. She says “then look to the person on your right.” Nobody is there. With a snarky look she quips “that’s right,” and snaps her head around and walks away. I’m left there sort of confused and completely sand-bagged, wondering why this bitch be trippin’. To get one thing out of the way, I definitely was not trying to flirt with her. And for the record, I had treated her to a really nice dinner and a hilarious comedy show on our date.
I may see her again at an upcoming function thrown by our mutual friend. How should I handle any future encounters?
Sincerely,
Wondering Why This Bitch be Trippin’
Dear Wondering,
Based on the follow up encounter you had, it sounds like you dodged a bullet by not calling this ho. “That’s who you’re going home with tonight”? Snap.
Well, here are a couple of important things to note: a) This girl would definitely do sexy times on you if you want. All it would take is one phone call and a short series of put-downs/compliment cycles. Crazy girls love that; it makes them horny to be jerked around. b) This girl’s version of reality is never going to sync up with your version of reality, so you should just get used to taking a vacation to crazy town when she’s around. Don’t worry, anyone who knows her already knows that she’s dumb/crazy/annoying/horny so you don’t have to worry about your street cred.
In the future, you have to come out of the gate swinging. It’s important to be hyper-aggressive when you’re in uncomfortable social situations. When you see her, charge up to her and say “Thanks for using me for a good time, then not even having the courtesy to call me after our date. Really, I expected a lot more from a girl like you.” Then look down at your hands, and shuffle your feet back and forth. When she tries to reply, keep interrupting her and just say “I was hurt. I was really hurt. You used me” until she’s noticeably worn down. If you can whip up some tears to really make a scene, I say go for it. There is nothing wrong with causing a scene to stick it to someone.
Sincerely,
Poor Lucky Me
