Wednesday, March 25th

An Open Letter to Asher Roth

Dear Asher,

So I caught a couple rounds of one of your recent hits “I Love College“.  When I stopped laughing, I looked you up on Wikipedia, then I started vomiting.  I don’t want to be harsh, but you have taken being an annoying douchey tool to a level that not even Vanilla Ice could achieve.

It would be one thing if you were just another music industry shill who appreciated the  miracle that occurred when someone saw you and thought you were talented.  Unfortunately, I read several articles where you referred to yourself as “an artist” and more shockingly as a “hip hop artist”.  You, sir, are less of an artist than those cats people taught to paint.

I don’t know who gave you your big break, but rest assured once I have some real power in this country I will find these people, round them up, and send them to leper-colony-like island where they can all walk around with martinis giving each other double guns and saying “I love you babe” without recourse.  The island will also be packed with the women who hear your crappy crappy song and feel moved to take their shirts off.  If lyrics about beer pong and one dollar slices of pizza make you hot, you should definitely not be permitted to procreate.

I’m sure you’re a really nice guy (I’m not sure at all- my editor made me put that it.  I think you’re probably a totally dick) but you have to know that you are personally responsible for the decline of culture in America.  Dude, you are making things worse.  Please cut this shit out, or at least donate a large chunk of your blood money to help give actual talented people their break.

Fondly,

Poor Lucky Me

A Note to Readers: I apologize for including a link to the song and thereby giving this asshole more hits on Youtube, but we have to know what form the enemy takes.