Dear Poor Lucky Me,
I moved into my current apartment building about two years ago. I see my neighbor every few days; he’s a nice guy in his 40′s. Sometimes we’ll watch a baseball game together and drink beers, I like his company. It’s weird though, because he used to be really bald and lately I’ve noticed he’s less and less bald. He almost has a full head of hair.
Is he getting hair plugs? Are we friends enough for me to ask about it? How does he explain his new hair to his family and co-workers? Maybe I’m being a judgmental asshole, and no one else cares? I don’t exactly care, I’m just very very very very very very very curious.
Love,
Very Curious
Dear Very Curious,
I’m sure some people would disagree, but I don’t think there’s anything wrong with asking about some one’s anti-aging methods. As long as you are polite and will to be complimentary, you should feel free to satisfy your curiosity.
At my last job the CEO’s secretary went on vacation and came back with enormous boobs. I was impressed by their girth and their exposure. The secretary and I had a nice rapport, so I went up to her and said how nice her new jugs were and does it take some time for them to settle in place? She acted stunned and coughed and stuttered that she was just wearing a new shirt. So I got the drift and said “Here’s to tight shirts, eh?” and clinked her coffee mug with my coffee mug.
When I got back to my desk I already had an email from H.R. asking for a meeting. Those bastards will get you in for a meeting for the littlest things and I wasn’t going to back down like I had to back down for putting Bailey’s in the coffee machine on Fridays. I won’t bore you with the details, but in the end what really helped my case was the revelation that the CEO had actually paid for the secretary’s new boobs while they were on a clandestine trip to Mexico. We all agreed to put the incident behind us and allow me to work from home. It was pretty awesome actually. But I never meant to insult or harass anyone, I was just trying to be friendly.
You should say to your neighbor friend: “Your hair looks great, would you mind telling me about it?” If he doesn’t take the bait, you’ll have to let it go. Some people want attention but then are touchy when they get it.
Sincerely,
Poor Lucky Me
