Dear Poor Lucky Me,
I am a new mother and I am making plans to go back to work, so I have to start interviewing nannies. I am very worried because every time I go to the grocery store to buy mostly organic foods and look down on all the out of shape people who buy mostly processed foods, I read magazine covers about gorgeous film stars who have nanny problems of a sexual nature.
Do these women think that they are so hot that they can hire just any old nubile 18 year old from some sexually permissive country like Sweden and nothing will happen? I can think of Uma Thurman, Jude Law’s ex-girlfriend (can’t remember her name) and now, Angelina Jolie, the uber-mother.
What should I do to avoid temptation to my husband. Would it be ok to advertise only in Wisconsin newspapers for a “healthy, robust young woman minimum weight requirement-185 lbs.”?
Please advise,
Nervous New Mom
Dear Nervous New Mom,
Yes, celebrities think they are immune to normal people problems. When you are chased around from one fancy restaurant to the next by paparazzi, you can’t focus on the little things. Besides, they think its worth the risk not to have to be photographed with someone unattractive, and to not have to deal with their own children. I think that’s fair.
I hate to break it to you but hiring a fatty won’t necessarily keep your husband safe from temptation. Thanks to high fructose corn syrup- fat is the new normal, and chubby hoes have more to prove than their skinny counterparts. Many men acknowledge that skinny chicks are boring in bed, and if you want something freaky you have to redefine your standard of “hot”. I suggest hiring the most experienced nanny you can find. Then tell your husband (in a loving way) that you have installed several “nanny cams” to keep him safe from sexual temptation. If he doesn’t think that’s fair, he can find a man nanny or an old lady nanny. Or he can make enough money to allow you to stay home with the baby.
Sincerely,
Poor Lucky Me
Great point- fatties are fair game
Jude Law is so damn handsome, every man wishes to be like him.*-’
jude law is really a macho, hunk actor. my brother idolizes him,~~