Dear Poor Lucky Me,
I work in a small office that employs under 10 people. We have a good-sized worker’s compensation insurance policy. We never do anything more physical than type spreadsheets, but the insurance company is always sending us pamphlets on how to lift things with your legs, not your back. These pamphlets have given me an excellent idea: maybe I should make a point to lift things with my back, injure myself, and collect workers comp!
I could always chuck myself down the stairs or cut off a finger in the shredder.
Do you think this scheme is unfair to my co-workers? Perhaps they want to collect worker’s comp as well, or maybe this will negatively impact my company in some way.
What would you do? I do like my job and am grateful to be employed in these turbulent times. Maybe I should hold off for another couple of quarters?
Signed,
Work is nice, but no work is nicer
Dear Work Is Nice,
Definitely hold off. There is an ethical problem with your scheme, but there is also the threat that bureaucratic overload may prevent you from getting paid in a timely manner. I heard a report on NPR about how bogged down America’s social services are, and I’d bet you’re not the only person to consider worker’s compensation as a career path. Those insurance bastards probably are watching people extra carefully these days. I hate insurance so much!
Sometimes I think if it weren’t for the no drinking, no cursing, praise Jesus aspects, I’d probably make a good Amish person. Well, I also don’t like drinking cow’s milk (it’s weird, like I’m being nursed by an animal) or wearing hats (my head is very sensitive) or sitting still (annoying) or being quiet (pointless). So Amish may not really be an option for me. But I do like how they don’t have insurance. And I like the beards.
Anyway the point is, if you intentionally injure yourself and don’t get the pay out that would really suck. And if you intentionally injure yourself and do get the pay off, you’ll look like a dick to your boss and co-workers. Sorry, but I think you have a future of lifting with your legs to look forward to.
Sincerely,
Poor Lucky Me
