Edible Mystery


Dear Poor Lucky Me,


I recently indulged in a few pretzels from my desk drawer that were stamped with an expiration (I prefer the “Best Used By” variation) date of December 2008.


Now that we are in late May, I thought this may create a problem for me, digestive or otherwise. However, the taste was similar to fresh and so far the only side-affect has been a filmy after-taste / residue in my mouth.


Here is my problem; I have tossed the half bag of pretzels but continue to wonder if I should’ve just went for it and finished the bag. I fear that during these downward economic times, my colleagues and family members would be furious with me if they found out I wasted all of those pretzels.


Please help.


Yours truly,


Dear Stalemated,


I have long been suspicious that those “best by” dates are really just a ruse to get us to buy food, dispose of it, and buy more.


They (the evil snack food conglomerates) don’t care if you eat the food or throw it away as long as you buy more as soon as possible. How rotten can a bag of snacks really get?


And they’re in my head now: when I reach for something in the fridge and it’s anywhere near the expiration date/freshness date I gag. My brain is flooded with images of botulism and mold and bird flu. I know it’s not rational, but it’s still terrifying.


Maybe it’s time to fight back, and get under the warm protection of the bad economy to do so.


Let’s keep our milk two days after it’s freshness date! Let’s cut the visible mold off our cheese and keep- ugh I just gagged- eating it! If my dog can eat garbage and think it’s delicious, surely I can eat wilted lettuce.


Reach into that garbage can, brush off the coffee grounds and shredded paper, and finish those pretzels with pride.


If anyone sneers at you, ask them why they take such pleasure in being wasteful.


Poor Lucky Me

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  1. Matt says:

    Great advice! Another option would be to freeze the pretzels for a special occasion – such as when you have wilted lettuce and flat soda to pair them with.

    • Poor Lucky Me says:

      Thank you! I admire your sophisticated and eco-friendly solution as well. Flat soda doesn’t have a lot of obvious pairings, but you really dreamed up a nice little first course.

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