Pig vs Pork

Dear Poor Lucky Me,

I love ham.  Really, I love all pork products- including rinds and head cheese. Then I was at a friend’s hobby farm and met her pigs. 

The bad news is they are so sweet and smart.  I mean they are as fun to hang around with as my dog!

What do I do now?

Signed,
Please Don’t Call Me A Hippie

Dear Hippie,
I completely understand your internal swine strife.  Pigs are one of the earliest animals domesticated by man, yet are known for their intelligence.  Their meat is delicious, yet they can learn their name and come when called.

Most vegetarians object to people abstaining from meat eating based on how cute they think animals are.  One may not want to eat cows but have no problem eating scary smelly gross chickens.  It’s ok to eat tuna but not the dolphins that are caught alongside them.

I think that it’s acceptable to not eat something based on any reason you want.  I don’t eat bananas because they smell bad and taste nasty, I don’t eat lobster because they look like crayfish which are in my opinion a little too close to bugs for comfort.  Not eating pigs because they remind you of dogs is as good a reason as any.

I don’t want to bum you out further, but if you really want a reason not to eat meat, do some research on industrial farming.  Take a look at what the pigs you eat look like and live like before they get to your plate.  Also check out what impact pig poo has on the environment.  Spoiler alert: it’s some seriously disturbing shit.

My editor is begging me to remove that last paragraph.  He thinks it’s “not funny” and makes me sound like “a vegan douchebag” so out of spite I’m leaving it in.  I’m not a vegan or even a vegetarian, I’m just telling it like it is.  So suck on that editor!

Sincerely,
Poor Lucky Me

P.S. Trader Joe’s makes a tofu chorizo that is out of this world.