Dear Poor Lucky Me,
I am single and looking and I thought you could help.
I have a fine personality, nice waist and good teeth. After college I worked at a Christmas tree farm where I was promoted to manager. Because of my status, the girls were after me, but I was too involved in my work to take notice.
Due to the economy the farm closed and I took a lesser paying job as a banana salesman. My boss recognized my talents and promoted me to “head banana” and I flourished. Again, I became a “chick magnet” and again I ignored the women for my job.
The banana poison scare hit and again I was on the street working as a consultant to a brassier manufacturer and now I am looking for a nice woman with a ski jump nose and small ear lobes.
What advice do you have for me on how to “score” with the chicks using my work experience as an “entre” (French for “get in”)?
Signed,
F. Myron Cheesbourough
Well you have a lot going for you. You have had an extensive and bizarre career path. It sounds like you are ready to enter the next phase of your life: using a tool to lure women into have sex with you. The tool you have chosen is your job- it’s a fine route to cruise down.
Banana salesman is a great icebreaker. Bananas are of course titillating for their shape, while being repulsive due to their disgusting smell and vomitous taste. In fact, I would eat a mushroom omelet (blech blech) before I would sit next to some one eating a banana. In fact, once I was on a plane and the woman two seats over started eating a banana and I called the stewardess over and begged to be reseated. I was moved eventually, but had to recreate some very convincing retching noises to finally cement the deal.
Anyway, the point is just be yourself. Well be yourself but try to imply that you are very wealthy and have a big dong. The ladies seem to like when men make jokes and sexual innuendos about their penis, especially if they are really drunk.
Also, don’t be afraid to lurch into potential mates and assure them that you “work in the industry” before you paw at their boobs.
Sincerely,
Dear Myron,
Poor Lucky Me
