One of my assigned tasks at work is to replace the water bottle on the Hinkley Springs dispenser. I’m not exactly sure how big the bottle is, but my estimate is about 58 gallons. Give or take. Maybe 65.
I’ve worked out a system: First I remove the empty container. Next I bend down, grasp the middle of the bottle, lift with my legs and heave it on the cabinet next to the water dispenser. There are several huge scratches in the wood from my efforts. After ten deep breaths, I put one hand on the bottom of the 97 gallon jug, one hand on the side, and heave it UP and OVER onto the rickety base. Usually about one cup of water splashes onto the floor and wall as I do this.
Today there was an unprecedented breakdown in the system. I was trying to be real cool and show the new hire how I can easily lift and flip the 108 gallon jug. As I turned to grin, I felt the bottle slip. Refusing to soak myself with water a la Liz Lemon, I hitched my wrist in an unnatural position and slammed the bottle into the wee dispenser.
I missed. Water poured all over the power strip and electrical socket on the floor and walls. (I put the power strip there a few months earlier in an execution of yet another great idea)
“AHHHHHHH” Yelled the new hire.
“Oh it’s cool” I said, sloshing water all over my feet, ankles, cabinet, wall, floor, into the little plugs in the power strip and into the paper shredder. The shredder did not try and shred the water, as it had short circuited. It was just patiently waiting to electrocute me when I had a free hand.
“OOOO SHIT” Yelled the new hire.
“Ha” I said, “It’s cool. I do this all the time.” I realized that the new person thought I meant I poured water over the electrical outlets and machines all the time, and probably thought I was psychotic. “Ha.” I said again. “I’ll grab a paper towel, hmmm?” I winked, trying to look self assured and un-psycho.
I came back from the bathroom with a huge stack of paper towels and knocked all the plugs out of the sockets using my sneaker. The new hire stared at me. I smiled back and mopped up the lagoon of once-bottled water, trying not to wince at the serious injury in my wrist. It felt like a small bone in my wrist was broken, and the pain was radiating up my arm into my elbow.
“Well I guess my water skiing career is over before it started huh?” I chortled, with tears of pain pooling in my eyes.
“Ha” said the new hire.
