Dear Readers,
It has become all too obvious that Six Flags Great America is trying to kill me. I wasn’t sure at first. Like last summer, I let myself believe I was just being paranoid. I thought: “Well just because that horrible spokes-character annoys me doesn’t mean that the whole company is out to get me.” Then I saw this summer’s commercials.
The spokes-thingie (who is actually named Mr.Six, which is fitting because he is obviously aligned with Satan) gets a lot more on-camera time. The ads seem to have a bigger budget. They’re higher concept than last year’s (which consisted of footage of the roller coasters and then the awful old man thing dancing across the screen) and thus have a more crushing affect on my brain.
Six Flags has also amped up their motto. It is now the unsettling “More Flags, More Fun!” I don’t know how long this has been their motto, but this summer Mr. Six started screaming it repeatedly at me through the television. I’m pretty sure that was Stalin’s motto too. Who ever thought that more flags made anything more fun, unless you are a color-guard or a communist?
The important thing is that I get this message out to you, my loyal readers. I want you to know that if I turn up dead with a death-by-fun look on my face, it was Mr. Six and the Six Flags corporation. I don’t know why they want to destroy me, but the evidence is undeniable.
Sincerely,
Poor Lucky Me
I thought he was saying, “More fags, more fun!”.
That would be a lot more accurate.