Dear Poor Lucky Me,
I always feel I’m about to be fired. Is this normal or perhaps an indication that I actually AM about to be fired.
In this post-modern world where no one actually makes anything and all our skills are ambiguous mental skills who actually knows my worth as an employee?
Also, I say the stupidest things in my yearly reviews, and I’m about to have another one. If I were my boss I’d fire me.
Yours Truly,
I Hope My Boss Doesn’t See This
Dear I Hope My Boss Doesn’t See This,
I completely understand your worries. You must act fast. First of all, are you really good at looking busy all the time? If not, here are some essentials:
a. Furrow your brow at least once and hour
b. Move stacks of paper from one side of your desk to the other. Put a pile at your feet on Fridays to look like you’re so busy you don’t even have enough room on your work space.
c. CC a lot of people on your emails. That makes you look very important. People are also flattered to be included, even if they pretend to be annoyed.
d. Find a couple of blogs that are pertinent to your industry. Quote them whenever possible.
e. Read the New York Times. People who read the paper don’t get fired.
f. Never ever express your fears to your co-workers. Office workers are like piranhas: if they sense a weak member in the group, they attack.
I think you’ll be ok if you really set your mind to looking busy. You’re right; without actual skills we are a lost generation of workers. Everyone is funneled through the white collar workforce because so much industry has gone overseas. Economists threaten that soon our white collar jobs will go overseas as well. I’m not too afraid though, because I’ve been watching Survivorman and can easily survive in the wild now.
Sincerely,
Poor Lucky Me
