Man Wants To Be Taken Seriously Despite Facial Hair – Monday, December 14th

You have stumbled on one of the most disturbing questions of our day. I have brought this issue up several times during my work with Human Rights Watch, but can’t seem to get it on the agenda. So we are left to solve this mystery here, together, two new friends fearlessly facing bad facial hair.

After some casual data gathering, I have found a few surprising facts. The goatee means different things to different people. Some people use it to signify a sensitivity- poet, jazz, musician, dog walker. I haven’t been able to ascertain if this is a signal to each other or a signal they hope to convey to the outside world. Other people seem to think that a goatee, or “goat” to the initiated, masks a double chin. This sub-sect enjoys the jaw line definition that the offending style provides. An observer of the phenomenon will want to also note what kind of hat the subject might be wearing. This will also indicate his intentions- baseball hats, pork pie hats, and Kangol’s all say something a little different.

We can never fully explain why people do the things that they do. But moving forward, I would urge you to be sensitive about other people’s facial hair. What may be a joke to you could be deadly serious to a coffee shop manager who plays the electric flute in his free time.