10 Types of Stories That You May Start Telling But I Probably Won’t Finish Listening To (Exceptions Noted):
1. Your long detailed dream (unless it was a sex dream involving me)
2. Your horoscope or anything about your astrological sign.
3. How you are such a superstar and rose to the top of your company in no time (I do however, enjoy stories about failing upwards)
4. Anything about “Twilight” or “Harry Potter” (unless it’s “Who the hell cares about Twilight or Harry Potter?”).
5. The details of the latest movie you saw/book you read when I haven’t seem/read it and tell you that immediately.
6. How your dog likes to ride in the car or how your cat likes to wake you up in the morning. That’s what ALL dogs and cats do people!
7. What makes your child’s school exceptional (unless it involves celebrities or fine food in the cafeteria).
8. Anything involving the word “episiotomy”.
9. The rising or falling value of your home (unless I ever become a homeowner, then I’ll have to reevaluate this point.)
10. How sick you are of being hit on by members of the opposite sex. Yes, yes, we get it, you’re hot.
Oh, the worst is the expectant pause after someone lobs out the old “I had the weirdest dream last night”. You want me to ask, BUT I WON’T.
And I would add 7A. What makes your child exceptional. Every parent thinks their kid is special.
I ask, but then interrupt constantly until the person gives up. Then I give a long explanation of my own dream. I hope to affect change in just one person. The world would be a slightly better place in my opinion.
Oh Crap! I just realized that I am guilty of at least 4 of these today and 7 going back to this dream I had where I kept talking and no one would listen to me and it was quite difficult to keep anyone’s attention. This includes homeless people that walked away mid-story even though I was holding a $5 and was standing there with my uber-talented child.
What should I do?
Funny & true! My mom is constantly describing her dreams to me in detail–especially when she thinks they’re premonitions about me–and I always tell her no one likes hearing about other people’s dreams, but she just keeps on telling me.