In anticipation of my future status as a celebrity, I’ve decided to adopt the following changes (effective immediately):
1. My signature cocktail will henceforth be a starfruit martini. If one cannot be obtained I will freak out.
2. My signature wardrobe piece will a body suit trims in either ermine or gold thread.
3. My signature hair-do will be a deep widows peak plucked into my hairline. Although my hair style will follow the latest trend, the deep widows peak will remain, reminding people of my awesome power and intelligence.
4. I will use the words whilst, heretofore, whom, thou and thee regardless if I’m doing so in a grammatically correct manner. My usage in fact, will immediately changed the grammatical rules.
5. I will complain loudly about having to do any typical human activities, such as: brushing my teeth, drinking water, using my fingers to type (I’m bitching as I type this), walking, sitting, standing, breathing, and listening to others. As my celebrity status blooms I will find lackeys to do these activities for me.
Thats is all.
