We're Both Doomed!
Dear Poor Lucky Me,
My girlfriend and I live together. She is really into plants, which bothers me. I feel like, why don’t we just get a dog, or a kid for that matter, if we’re going to be tending to something all the time. It’s constant! Water it, make sure it has sun light. Etc.
So I’ve started pouring salt water into the plants, just to kill them slowly and get her less attached to living things that need care. I mean I need home cooked meals for god’s sake! She doesn’t have time to have a green thumb.
Fondly,
Don’t Get Me Wrong, I DO NOT Want Kids. Or Pets.
Dear Don’t Get Me Wrong,
It’s very difficult to pull off being some one’s singular focus. One minute you’re enjoying home cooked meals, the next moment your spouse (who has no other distractions) realizes that your a selfish boor who just might actually be mentally ill.
If you can’t allow your significant other to have other interests, things are going to get ugly real quick.
Sincerely,
You’ve made a compelling case to hate plants and pets and children, but I’m afraid that’s not the real issue here. I”m worried that if you need so much attention from a spouse that you’ll resort to plant-murder, it may be time to speak with a professional. Or, at the very least, consider moving back in with your mother.
Poor Lucky Me
