Dear Poor Lucky Me,
I’d like to raise a serious objection to the old adage “Whoever smelt it dealt it”. I think this is just another coercive device to keep people from ratting you out when you pass gas. I’m declaring publicly, through your website, that I’m adhering to it no more! From now I will not fear being accused of dealing it just because I smelt it first!
I was in a crowded theater Saturday night, and someone was dealing up a constant buffet of personal odors. I didn’t have the guts to stage whisper: WHO IS RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS NIGHTMARE OF SMELLS. I didn’t want to cast guilt upon myself. But I’m changing my ways, starting now!
What do you think about that?
Yours,
I’m My Own Man, and My Own Dealer
Dear Dealer,
Your experience in that theater taught us all an important lesson. Well, two important lessons:
1. Be true to oneself. You can be polite and discreet, but do not doubt your instincts.
2. Don’t have an exotic, spicy or garlicky meal before you’re going to sit in a crowded theater. I had to watch Avatar sitting next to a guy with sausage burps. It really took away from the movie and I had to sit through the whole damn three hours with a scarf wrapped around my face.
It is important to be compassionate toward people who are suffering gastro-intestinally. But I think if we are being motivated by kindness and a sense of societal duty, it is possible to recognize and address a smell without fear of self-incrimination.
Sincerely,
I think this is one of the most profound things that I have ever read. You are so right. Let us not be intimidated by those trying to implicate us in their own smelly dealings when we are just trying to live an honest and open life. Let us not be afraid to confront foul odorists and criminals and wrong doers because we don’t want to rock the boat.
Poor Lucky Me
