Toilet Alternatives – Thursday March 11th

Dear Poor Lucky Me,


I’m curious about the history of bed pans. Particularly: what ever happened to them? Where did they go? Why don’t people use them any more?


See, I am having this debate with my partner. Just because there is a flush toilet a few yards away from the bed doesn’t make it convenient. You have to get up, stumble across the bedroom, bumping your knee on the corner of the bed or tripping over your clothes and shoes and old pizza boxes, and then get to the bathroom, figure out where the toilet is, and aim as best you can. The result is a mess that you are too tired to deal with, and then you get back to bed and you can’t go back to sleep. Wouldn’t a little chamber pot be so much easier?


I sure think so, but he doesn’t seem to keen. Any additional rationale you can think of to help win over my significant other would be most welcome. And any phone numbers of bed pan dealers would be good.


Also, how do you use it? Do you just roll to your side and let loose, or do you have to kneel, or crouch? Is it OK for that rare midnight number two? Etc.



Thinking of getting one anyway and not telling him


Dear Thinking,
The history of the bedpan is a long and fascinating one. However, I think what you’re talking about is the bedpan’s more sophisticated cousin: the chamber pot. The chamber pot is still used today in countries that lack universal indoor plumber, as well as in some homes (such as your own) where residents are fed up with more modern means of evacuation.


Unfortunately, Poor Lucky Me cannot condone the use of chamber pots if modern facilities are available. While I understand and sympathize with your aversion to getting up in the middle of the night, I am a true devotee of the toilet. To eschew the toilet for a chamber pot would feel like abandoning a pen for a hammer and chisel. Like throwing away your shoes and wrapping your feet in plastic shopping bags and duct tape. It’s too meaningful an invention in my life to look for any other solutions.


Also- it is advised not to go number two in a chamber pot.


Poor Lucky Me

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