10 Things I Am Immediately Suspicious Of When Approached By A Stranger
1. I’m about to be solicited by swingers/sex club members/be invited to a key party. This has never happened to me but I remain vigilant.
2. I will be asked for directions. This happens to me almost everyday. I am terrible with directions but refuse to be mistaken for a tourist, so I usually get out my iPhone and look up where they’re going. Then I show them on the map and walk them in the right direction until I feel like they’re headed in the right direction. This takes up a lot of my free time. And a lot of time that I’m supposed to be at work.
3. I will become entangled in the old “I lost my wallet and can’t get home to the suburbs” grift. Although I’ve been approached several times by such a grifter, I’m proud to say I’ve never fallen for it. Including the old, “my car broke down on the highway and I don’t have any money to fix it but I can sell you my car stereo for $20″- the car stereo has conveniently already been ripped from the dashboard of the “broken down” car.
4. I will be caught off guard by some attractive man telling me what incredible hair I have, then be sold a spa package to a salon I’ve never heard of. I almost been a victim of this many times, but I’m getting savvier in my old age. Now I’m careful never to have more than $7 cash on me at any given time. It keeps me out of trouble.
5. I will be asked if I want to save the children or the environment. I do want to save both. But not by being accosted on the street.
6. I will be recruited to join a cult. This happened to me in college. A girl walked up to me and said, “Are you lonely? Would you like to join the Upside Down Club?” I hightailed it out of there, offended that some one could see through my “I’m not lonely, I’m just a loner” routine. Later I found out the Upside Down Club was a cult. Being easily offended really saved my ass on that one.
7. I will be pick pocketed. But i’m always prepared by already having bad credit (my cards have tiny credit limits) and little cash (see #4).
8. I will be sold a Streetwise paper. I don’t mind giving a guy a buck or two, but I don’t want to hold that damn paper all day. I don’t even read the mainstream newspaper because I’m really grossed out by newspaper ink. I can’t imagine that Streetwise doesn’t use that same powdery ink that gets all over everything.
9. It’s not really a stranger, it’s actually some one I know but I’m weird about wearing my glasses so I can’t recognize people until there’s within three feet of my face. This happens to me pretty frequently. I would like to say that I might start wearing my glasses consistently…but…you know….
10. I will be asked for a quarter to feed the meter. I’m hoarding my quarters.
