10 Legitimate Reasons Why I’m Afraid Of Going On A Cruise
1. The Flesh Eating Virus. One person gets that and the whole shit is screwed. Same goes for the Bubonic Plague.
2. Buffet meals. I like the occasional buffet but you know they use the same food over and over again and let me assure you that those so called sneeze guards aren’t keeping everything safe.
3. The very real possibility of meeting a couple who we think we like the first night, then finding out the second night they’re annoying, then having to dodge them for eight more nights. I just don’t have that kind of strength.
4. When you flush the toilet…where does it go? I don’t think it goes into the ocean, I think it stays on the boat with you.
5. Eventually someone is going to force me to participate in a group activity.
6. Those cruise ships seem really high. If you fall off the side, are you doomed? I’m a strong swimmer but I think that fall might be a problem.
7. Is someone making sure the captain isn’t getting drunk and ramming us into stuff? Like mountains or other ships?
8. Once you’re in the middle of nowhere isn’t the chance of getting hijacked and forced into white slavery pretty good? I mean if I were a pirate/white slave proprietor I would go straight for the cruise ships and I can’t be the first person to think of that.
9. What if a seagull gets into the little window in my cabin and it flies around wreaking havoc and contaminating the food and fresh water I had been hoarding?
10. What if I can’t afford a cabin with a little window and sleep the entire trip because I never see any natural morning light to wake me up? That happened to me my senior year in college.
