Yesterday I walked to the local Asian infusion restaurant to eat some faux sushi. My man and I sat at a table along the banquette and were checking out the menu when the host sat a couple beside us. They were nice looking, in their early 20′s, and seemingly normal. But as the guy settled into his chair, I was punched in the face with the most powerful dose of Drakkar Noir I’ve smelled since an 8th grade mixer.
Maybe it was just my sensitive pregnant nose, and this person actually smelled normal. Panicked, I gestured to my man. He smelled it too. His eyes rolled in his head like a terrified horse. We tried to discreetly scoot our table to away from the olfactory offender, but our polite Midwestern upbringing made us terrified that the table would screech along the floor and reveal our plot.
I felt like the world was tipping on it’s axis. Do normal people still wear cologne or could I take this as a sign that this guy was a pervert/serial killer/carnival ride operator/porn actor? I feigned interest in my husbands attempts at conversation while actually straining to hear what the Drakkarian was saying. Nothing of note. He ordered some sushi roles and talked about his trip to Mexico. Nothing about a Silicon Valley acting gig or the best way to assemble the tea cup rides.
I couldn’t eat very much with the stank of man perfume filling my nostrils, but I feel like I learned something really important. Something that we take for granted when trying to organize our world into something we can understand. The truth is that even normal looking, normal sounding people can be social deviants.
