I submitted my story yesterday to this website: http://www.facesofloss.com/
It’s a really great project that I’m grateful to have stumbled upon. The loneliness of mourning is oppressive. It’s heartbreaking to read about so much loss and devastating grief, but it’s a relief to be reminded that what I’m going through is normal.
Before I sent it along, I went back and read the original essay I wrote about Tommy Jr. I cried out of sadness and happiness, especially rereading all the comments people wrote. So many people have reached out to Tom Sr and I, so many people still hold us in their hearts. Thank you all so much for your comments and love and prayers. They really did help our hearts heal. And they helped me be compassionate towards the people in my life who just couldn’t be there for me.
Compassion is not always easy to find, but it’s so important. I don’t want the memory of my sweet child to be mixed up with a bunch of anger, especially because I really do understand why some people couldn’t deal with what happened. Tommy Jr came here and gave me some wonderful gifts, and I can show him my gratitude by trying to be a forgiving person.
Wait, what if I forgive someone, but I just think they’re lame/annoying/stupid now? Does that not count? Surely experience molds who you want to have in your life, and that forgiveness doesn’t mean you have to stay friends with a lame-o. The tricky part is when/if one of these people says “what’s wrong” or some other confrontational thing. Can I say things like “Well after I had a tragedy in my life I realized you were a turd. No offense.” or is that not good?
Also- I’m really trying to get my sh*t together to redesign this site. I hate how weird it looks- all the “advice” stuff all over…I guess I thought if I told my readers it might make me do it faster. So there, I told you.
Forgiveness doesn’t necessarily mean that you’re best friends afterwards. It IS hard to lean on people the same way if they weren’t able to stand by you when you felt such grief & vulnerability. lol on your humour about it, though…. Maybe an answer like, “Losing a baby changes perspectives. I’m becoming a brand new me, and that’s different than before.”
Way to go– you’re pulling it all together…..
Heather, have you considered creating a contest and/or picking a monthly guest writer to keep the advice business going on poor lucky me? You could still have a blog on blogspot for your current writing about your grief and come back to the advice column when you are ready in the future. I’d hate to see you give up on this project entirely.
Angela
Hmmm I hadn’t considered going back to advice…but you’ve peaked my curiosity.