Last week I told my shrink I was ready to take a break- at least until I get pregnant again. I’ve had a couple of breakthroughs and thought I was ready to fly the nest. Or the coop. Or whatever.
Well it all would have been fine and good, except I forgot that my main pastime is complaining about stuff that I won’t change. This is a hobby that requires either a captive audience (shrink, dog, deaf person) or the world’s most empathetic sweetheart (my husband). I fired my shrink, my dog has learned to roll her eyes at me, and I don’t currently know anyone who’s deaf. Plus, deaf people can usually read lips. I have two or three friends who don’t try and run screaming or punch me in the face when I start my high pitched whining, but I am afraid they won’t be able to take it much longer. I’m pretty sure one met me for lunch the other day with cotton stuffed in her ears.
In an effort to spare Tom G from wanting to get a separate apartment from me to escape the complaining, I’m going to try and stop. I mean my god, if I can stop eating Super Pretzels and Nacho Cheese surely I can cut back a little on the constant complaining.
My plan is to come up with a really great plan, then implement the plan. Then, I will follow through with the implemented plan for several weeks and months until it is a fully ingrained habit. People will say “Wow, I’m so impressed by how you never complain about anything.” I’ll smile and nod and be very humble, but if they ask how I do it I’ll tell them about my incredible system. Maybe I’ll write a book about it and go on a book tour and then the book with be made into a movie and Zooey Deschanel will play me.
It does no good complaining to a deaf person. You need a mute!
Angelina Jolie should play you. Also, I’ll listen to you complain anytime.
I’ve tried to ENCOURAGE your complaints!!! (Via email only because I’m not big on talking on the telephone.) Also, I like Zooey Deschanel. :0)
Hahah oh Leslie Ann, you are too dear. I’ll write a nice long complainy email this week. xo