Dear Poor Lucky Me,

I was just reading about the 4,000 or so anarchists that are now protesting and rioting in London. The article included a sign that read “Abolish Money”.  Now I am sure that some of these unhappy individuals are from England and may have walked to the protest, but how do you suppose that an unhappy person from the US (or anywhere in the E.U for that matter) would be able to get to the U.K. without money?  If we all started to barter, the street value of an H.J. would likely drop quite a bit, but what other good would come out of an economic system like that?

Signed,

I still have a drawer full of Lire

Dear Drawer Full of Lire,
Wait, what is the current street value of an H.J.?  Five bucks?  Fifteen if it’s a well groomed hand?  I can’t imagine the price of a manual stimulation session would be the first thing to plummet in a barter system, but I guess I don’t really know how many of them are processed a day.  Maybe H.J.s will be the pennies of the new economy.

Protesting seems cool because you can always talk to younger people with an air of authority.  And I think it gives your average drug user a little more legitimacy.

So, let’s see…abolish money.  Yea, now that’s what I’m talking about.  Because I’m sure the abolishment of money would totally stop scumbags from being scumbags, idiots from being idiots, and would magically make greedy dicks administer to the elderly.

I think you could probably get to England on a raft, or maybe even by swimming.  Didn’t someone do that? Anyway, the thing about Europe is that there aren’t tons of jobs there, so protesting is an important past time.  It’s like eating cheese and drinking wine and having sex with Americas who are studying abroad.  You really can’t take these people too seriously.

Sincerely,

Poor Lucky Me

Dear Poor Lucky Me,

I work in a small office that employs under 10 people.  We have a good-sized worker’s compensation insurance policy.  We never do anything more physical than type spreadsheets, but the insurance company is always sending us pamphlets on how to lift things with your legs, not your back.  These pamphlets have given me an excellent idea: maybe I should make a point to lift things with my back, injure myself, and collect workers comp!

I could always chuck myself down the stairs or cut off a finger in the shredder.

Do you think this scheme is unfair to my co-workers?  Perhaps they want to collect worker’s comp as well, or maybe this will negatively impact my company in some way.

What would you do?  I do like my job and am grateful to be employed in these turbulent times.  Maybe I should hold off for another couple of quarters?

Signed,

Work is nice, but no work is nicer

Dear Work Is Nice,

Definitely hold off.  There is an ethical problem with your scheme, but there is also the threat that bureaucratic overload may prevent you from getting paid in a timely manner.  I heard a report on NPR about how bogged down America’s social services are, and I’d bet you’re not the only person to consider worker’s compensation as a career path.  Those insurance bastards probably are watching people extra carefully these days.  I hate insurance so much!

Sometimes I think if  it weren’t for the no drinking, no cursing, praise Jesus aspects, I’d probably make a good Amish person.  Well, I also don’t like drinking cow’s milk (it’s weird, like I’m being nursed by an animal) or wearing hats (my head is very sensitive) or sitting still (annoying) or being quiet (pointless).  So Amish may not really be an option for me.  But I do like how they don’t have insurance. And I like the beards.

Anyway the point is, if you intentionally injure yourself and don’t get the pay out that would really suck.  And if you intentionally injure yourself and do get the pay off, you’ll look like a dick to your boss and co-workers.   Sorry, but I think you have a future of lifting with your legs to look forward to.

Sincerely,

Poor Lucky Me